Glass .. are hard to restore

my blog is all about passions and feelings .. anger love hate happiness .. this post how ever i dont know if it fits my blog .. well i’ll let you decide that your self .. i already categorized it in love ..  this post is about my recent relationships .. i know recent (well the past 10 years) and “S” the end of relationship you gotta think of me as a public garden .. open for every one loves every one steps in .. easy to fall and rise .. well, i’m kinda like that hate to admit it .. but i recently discovered that i fall in love very easy .. and no its not about my cars this time.

.. just deleted what we call in kuwait -nashr ghaseel- about 1000 words of my real relationships so i thought of sparing you guys the drama and have some privacy for the ladies .. i just got through a relationship .. the kind of one that shatters protected glass .. im not going through details im just gonna post how it fucking feels

picture this .. you just bought a 100 000 KD beautiful block of glass .. slightly dimmed dark grey ones with reflection that it works like an unrevealing mirror, that was my heart .. you spent all that to fix it from a college heart break .. so you do al kind of attempts to protect it .. and you go through a relationship that you think, you will protect that block of glass even better ..  and then you figure out that the block has no place in your body .. unless you break it first .. you think well it will crack, it wont shatters because its protected with kinda films that keeps the glass from shattering .. the worst thing might happen is few cracks here and there .. i was like fine .. lets crack it up, and you do it by your own hand .. only you do it so hard that its not a beautiful block any more .. it still got the looks and shape yet it has more cracks than you thought it would have .. that if you sneezed you’d shatter it .. and you swear legions to your block of glass, that the new pattern of broken glass, is as far as it gonna be of hurt, and no more sneezing due to no more gazelles and you stopped smelling flowers and roses .. what would make you sneeze!!

days go by and it happens .. you smell the most beautiful flower ever in your life .. and you think this flower is so beautiful that it wont make you sneeze .. you got your block of glass at stakes .. the risk is high, you already promised it you wont sneeze .. yet you go for it .. you believe this is it .. this is the one .. and the worst thing could ever happen is a pre-sneeze .. well you are expert with flowers now .. you would tell which are the ones would make you sneeze so you would walk away at the last minute, so you thought .. and you sneeze, and you sneeze, and you sneeze so hard it shatters the patterned heart .. that is impossible to put it back together .. your block of glass got broken so hard that a splinter broke hers (her block of glass) .. so instead of having only a semi-broken block of glass you ended up with shattering 2 blocks .. her broken block is not fixable neither yours .. you can’t fix it with out cutting your palms .. so you attempt to fix hers, as an act of gentlemen hood, and you succeed of doing it ..

now back to the original block .. and you are thinking .. shall i fix it .. why would i .. it will get more dust than ever and it would be hard to clear because it will have deeper cracks .. not to mention hard to put it back together .. and your hands are cut cut so deep that you cant use it normally any more .. you will spend endless time and effort to do so ..  performing self-hypnosise one night (last night) .. seeing your time line and plan the process of healing that block .. the plan looked so great .. but looking at my history of operating and accomplishing  plans and backing up from flowers in the right time SUCKS!  .. as they say a 1000 mile trip starts with a step .. and im still worried of each step, how shall i know it wont crack the rebuilt block of hers or breaks any achievements of fixing mine ..

nothing works .. and your salvation preaches you “nothing cant be tolerated with a drive on GR with your beast” ..  till i fix my shinning unrevealing dimmed block of glass .. i already got plans for it .. where to double protect that heart and the next attempt to break it is fatal

~ by El'Berk Ben Dodi on May 9, 2009.