Appreciating dad

for so long time i thought mom signed the wrong marriage certificate by marrying dad .. and dad he is 100% responsible of what kind of screws im in right now .. thats just lame and a very good a drama movie material.

but this is all history since 2 days ago .. i read this article of how we are responsible 100% of our own decisions .. that is so true.

from the way i see it .. i didnt choose my parents hell no one can .. yet each and every human should cope with what he/she has and try to rise above all odds and make things happens .. i always believed in that till lately when i got so depressed and miserable for so many reasons for decisions i made.

so a week ago i started counting me blessings and i figured 70 – 80% of what i have is because of my parents .. i surely acknowledge mom effort .. im living at her dad’s house ignoring how cool and supportive my dad was and still is.

so dad this blog is for you ..
since i was 2 or 3 ( i dont remember but based on the photo albums my mom kept and what she told me ) my father made sure that im not sad .. i remember when i was 11 dad told me that if im not accepting him as my father .. he is willing to be my best friend .. from the way i see it he is more than that to me .. let me demonstrate what i remember in a list

1. he never yelled at me at what so ever mistakes i did .. he was so supportive and he always find a way to TALK me out of it

dads usually tend to be violent and dictators when it comes for crossing lines and doing the un doable .. i remember when i joined the islamic group “ikhwan moslimeen” so called now as 7araka destoriya islamiya .. he warned me that these people are up to no good and their intentions are purely political .. i was like noooooo theye are so cool .. uncle faisal is there .. he is gonna take a good care for me .. uncle faisal is only 3 years older than me .. dad thought, and he told me that, i just dont want you to face disappointment from people you might get attached to .. and that pretty much what happened .. yes i got major disappointment and i remember when i left them by the age of 16 i stayed up in my room thinking ” how could they, how would they dare to do sort of stuff, how could they take ISALM as cover to propose their ideas”

2. since when we were young me and my brother and sisters he always ask me first where to go to spend the day

i noticed it only when i was 14 .. when i saw the injustice that my dad practice toward my brothers of ingnoring what ever they want to satisfy my needs .. i remember i call up fa66om and sallom to agree on a place me and brothers so when dad ask me first .. our answers matched my brother’s and sister’s answer .. hell we made a system every week is some one’s turn .. only dad didnt know about it .. and just because i love them so much we always choose what sallom’s or fa66om’s want

3. visiting dad every friday was my worst day of the week ever .. simply i didnt appreciate him back then

dad used to drive all the way from sulaibiya to my mom’s residence in khaldiya to pick me up .. in the scorching heat after noon prayer .. every friday .. never missed one .. NEVER .. just to have lunch with me and spend the day .. he did those trips in summers winters springs falls and even ramadan .. and he always receive me with a big smile .. he never bitched about it .. he never ask my mom to drop me there .. he always shows up with a big smile and candy .. KITKATs melts and he dont want me to suffer eating chocolate .. every time he picks me .. we have an amazing dad son chat and what i want to do this week end with him .. sometimes he run thing to me before he even ask my step mom .. he just loves me and i dont if it just love

4. he never allowed my step mom or any body else .. including him self .. to bother or act rude with me .. intentionally and non intentionally

you know kids they get really annoying some time .. i get to break lights in dad’s living room and break the lights and he shows me how to put them back .. instead of you yelling on me .. always taking the chance to teach me a lesson .. very gently .. he gave me my first book after i made permanent coloring on one of his rarest books .. it was a novel from the 19th century collector’s edition .. back then it worth something arround 200 KD thats 1986 .. he bought another copy for 350 KD same year and kept the one i tortured .. claiming its a memory from me it has my first drawing

5. money is not an option of what i ask for

dad always takes me to the most expensive toys store in kuwait .. not mambo jumbo of al3ab waleed .. always its KID R US .. sultan center .. or any other place that sells the latest toys there are .. he NEVER EVER turned any toy i ask for even if it was a 100 KD .. i remember a kid at school got a stuffed lion for his birthday .. and when went to kids R US .. i told him that my friend whos his father is a lawyer got this toy for his birthday .. i didnt ask for it .. i didnt even imply that i want this toy .. next day a guy knocked our door delivering that 120 KD stuffed lion ..  since him and mom got divorced he give 80 KD per month .. every month .. since 1982 .. till i got my first job in 2003 .. that 20160 KD .. WOW i just did the calculation .. some times i register for summer camps .. he gives me the 80 KD + those fees .. he never ever dropped a month .. he made it his top priority .. and the day he gives me the 80 KD .. he make sure that i dont spend any of it .. till i get back home .. my dad’s financial are not so fancy .. he used to make 350 KD per month off his teaching jobs .. 80 goes to me .. rest of it goes to my step mom my 2 brothers my 2 sisters my grandma and the maid .. 350 over 8 is 43.750 .. i get 80 off those 350 ..

6. not only when i was a kid .. even now

3 days ago .. he calls me up in the morning telling me to bring my driver’s license with 4 photos he want to renew his .. and he thought let me renew yours .. i as like cool .. he told me smiling “inshalla ma 3indik mokhalafat?” i told him i dont know but i sure have some .. he said .. well dont worry i will pay them all and subtract them from your salary .. he laughed and drove away  .. i remember my brother telling me that dad always give them a hard time when ever they get tickets .. funny he never mention that to me .. it doesn’t stop here

my relation ship with dad .. is simply by my weekly visits .. he never missed a weekend with calling first and picking me up .. but now i got my own car .. sometimes a month or 2 passes by .. without me visiting him .. he broke my heart when he got sick and he called my brother instead of me .. simply he didnt want me to worry on him not because he hates me or he cant rely on me putting in mind that his oldest son is diabetic and not to be messed with

right now i feel like a stupid ass hole who never appreciated what he has .. i surely love dad .. but i got a funny way of showing it to him .. a blog article .. dad didnt want anything from more than a weekly visit .. he always make an excuse for me .. or accept my lame excuses .. i just relized i never called him dad .. or baba .. or yuba .. i remember when i was 5 he told me .. listen to this kid he calls his old man dad .. why are you calling me dawood .. he said it very gently .. i didnt reply back then .. i guess no matter how many times i kiss his forehead asking forgiveness would it make it up for him

from today an on i will call him yuba .. i will try to pay back the great favors and actions that he did to me .. if i told him thank you .. he would say come on this is my job im your dad .. i have to treat this way .. well dad .. point out one parent who treated their sons the way you treated me .. NONE .. even your self .. you dont treat my brothers as good as you treat me .. i`ve always been you favorite .. for as long as i know .. im still am

the great dodi .. please accept my deepest sincere apologies .. i could never make it up for you .. you stood by my side when i was sick .. and i told you call me if you needed me to take you to the doctor .. thats how big of a jerk im ..

yuba i love you .. a7ibbik .. and i can never make it up to you

your sinful son ..
Barqoqi

~ by El'Berk Ben Dodi on July 6, 2009.